Silvestre 37, Gallas 46, Adebayor 64, Van Persie 68 – Divers: the whole fucking team

If it’s good writing and insightful reaction to last night’s horror show you seek, you may want to click away and read this instead. All you will find here is anger. And, I am trying to find the silver lining to that mess we were treated to last night, I really am… but I’m failing miserably. All I’m left with is cold disappointment… and anger. Burning, writhing anger. Rooted deep within my gut.

I’ve read all the blogs about it. I’ve read the clap trap on Arsenal.com about it. I’ve searched within. But I’m fuck all stumped for an answer. How we can piss away a lead like that… to a team rooted to the bottom of the table… to the fucking Spurs… is simply beyond my comprehension. If you were to walk up to me this afternoon and tell me it’s all a plot, a conspiracy to boost ratings for the match at White Hart Lane in February, I’d probably have to believe you. Like a drowning rat that clings to a piece of flotsam in a dark and swirling storm drain… I would believe you. For, what else could explain it?

I’ll continue to love my Arsenal. I will. But right now, we are not on speaking terms. I’ll feel better by the trip to Stoke, and I’ll cheer them on as ever before. But right now… I need space.

Ahhhh, the Norf London derby. Can’t you just taste it? Smell it? Feel it? Everything else goes out the window for this match. Everything. Who’s where in the table, who’s injured, who’s fit, who the new gaffer is… none of that amounts to piddly shit once the players take the pitch. It’s all about Arsenal v Tottenham, Gunners v Spurs, Gooners v Yid Army… and who wants it more.

Spurs are in a bad way so far this season. As much as I’d like to seem them languish in the Championship for a few years before being let back up, I get the feeling ol’ Harry isn’t going to let that happen. The top half of the table is probably out of reach, but their best and only shot lies with him. If he can’t get their shit together and undo the damage done by Jaunde Valdez, we won’t be bothered by their likes for some time. But again… none of that matters tonight. Even were this the last match of the season and they were in last place 40 points into relegation… they’d still come at us with their teeth bared and studs up. But it won’t be enough. Arsenal must crush them tonight. I’m willing it to be so. And, without further adieu, the Scurvy Prognostication of The Match is:

Arsenal 3-0 Pond Life

One from Adebayor, one from RvP and one from Theo. Spread the love, fellas… spread it.

Faubert 75, Adebayor 90 – Divers: None

We had to work for that one, didn’t we? With a Champions League match this past week and all the travel involved, it’s no doubt that the boys were dragging just a bit. But they didn’t let that stop them. We handled the Hammers and kept possession most of the match, getting our passing game humming along. It was a build up. You could feel it slowly, but it was a build up. Despite several counter attacking runs from the oppostion that threatened, the press was constant from the Gunners. And then at 75′, luck finally broke our way. Emmanuel Adebayor shot wide through the area from the right, but the West Ham fullback Julien Faubert got a toe on it to correct Manu’s shot and get our opener. Then in injury time, Niklas Bendtner played a beautiful long ball when he spotted Manu up the field. He collected, skipped around the keeper and buried his shot in the open net. Argument settled.

The scoreline is somewhat flattering for Arsenal, I have to say. West Ham played a pretty tough match throughout. There were more than a few times that I thought we might be in trouble. And, given our history at Upton Park, you could sense that possibility was never far from the surface. But in the end, we hung in there and came away with a much needed 3 points.

It’s also worth mentioning that Phil Dowd probably got the red card call on Carlton Cole wrong. The replays show it was a yellow at best. But Dowd sent him off with aplomb, as if he were sick of dealing with the menace that is Carlton Cole and would have no more of it. He must have seen something no one else saw, because Cole’s tackle looked harsh, but legitimate. Am I wrong?

So, it would seem that the Arsenal are nearly back to full strength without, of course, the usuals. Eduardo Da Silva is expected to be back in training within several weeks which could put him right on target for the estimates of a December return for first team action that we heard soon after his injury. We seem to have a lot of attacking options right now, and Eduardo’s return will only add to Arsène’s weapons locker. Looking forward to his return. Tomas Rosicky, who didn’t nearly have his foot entirely removed by a Birmingham tap dance, is still nowhere in sight. It truly is a shame, as I thought Rosicky, when on his game, really added a certain spark to our midfield.

Now, I hope you’re seated for this. According to reports from the more reliable English media, William Gallas has recently been spotted leaving a night club while smoking a cigarette. When I read these reports, I was completely taken aback… positively shocked… I had to lay down… catch my breath. Our… Capi? Smoking? No. N-n-no… Say it ain’t so! But alas… pictures do not lie. As you can see here, there is no denying the truth of it. Truly shocking.

So, if he’s gotten his wind back in time, I expect Captain Gallaxy will be back on the pitch. Letting in corners with the same reckless abandon he displays on these smoking soirees he’s apparently gotten himself sucked into. Perhaps his cool friends like his new haircut, but I do not approve. It’s just not Arsenal.

Right. So, we head to Upton Park this afternoon. Looks like there will be some team there. And we’ll probably, you know… have a football match with them or something. If they’re into that sort of thing. I guess. I think they’ll be shirts, we’ll be skins. And, without further adieu… the Scurvy Prognostication of The Match is:

West Ham 1-3 Arsenal

This week I’m going with one for Adebayor (or Theo) and a brace for RvP. I can smell it. And, Hull went and won again, putting the spank on West Brom, so best we can hope for is to retain 4th. Everton drew with Man U, so that’s a good thing. Yes, Everton… the team we just spanked. Drew with the “world” champions. Pfft…

Adebayor 10, Walcott 11, Silvestre 19, Diaby 22, Song 49, Ramsey 90 – Divers: None

Wow. That is all. Just… wow. The following is pretty much a paraphrasing of what I was writing as I watched the match late last night:

The Turks came screaming out of the gate and threatened, most likely pumped up by the atmoshpere, but we just handled them. Handled, I tell you. They made several runs up the left that were scary, but we dealt with them all, some clumsily, but dealt with nonetheless. The whistles in that stadium are a bizarre thing to hear. It was an ebbing and flowing cacophony of shrieking whistles that seemed to absolutely bathe the players on the pitch. If it was affecting any of them, they didn’t show it. And, they only lasted about ten minutes. Emmanuel Adebyor found his way up the center and slotted home past the keeper to open the scoring. About sixty seconds later at 11′ Theo Walcott said “Oh yeah, like this?” And scored our second, with a classy little hop over the keeper and a tightly angled shot to find the net from the right. The whistles then died.

Another minute later and Samir Nasri almost put in a third, but the keeper got a hand on it. Not to be outdone, Fenerbahçe came charging down (out of frustration, perhaps?) and forced Manuel Almunia to earn his keep at 14′. The announcers simply can’t believe what they’re seeing. They’re talking about looking up records at the half to see if any have been broken. At 18′ Song decides he’d rather elbow a runner up the left than just defend and gives the opposition a free kick which Mikael Silvestre puts away nicely… in the wrong net. Three minutes later, Abou Diaby finds a goal not unlike the first two. 1-3. I can’t hear them, but the announcer tells us that 800 Arsenal faithful have made the trip to Istanbul. Brilliant!

At 49′ there’s a free kick in from Cesc Fabregas which gets bobbled in the box and lands at the foot of Alexandre Song who swiftly crashes it home! Nice shot, Alex! At 78′, although the announcer says it probably should have been disallowed for dangerous play, Guiza scores a second for Fenerbahçe. To me, it looked like he got his foot down soon enough before Almunia got there, but… too little too late anyway.

As the match is winding down, it’s gotten eerily quiet in the stadium, a marked contrast to the start of the match. Fenerbahçe fans know their European efforts are probably at an end. At 92′ Emmanuel Eboue should have made it 2-5, but for some reason known only to Eboue, he didn’t pull the trigger from 10yds out. But that’s ok, because the sprightly Aaron Ramsey opens up his European account with only seconds remaining in injury time, a flashy shot off the left post that caroms in to put the match to rest.

It’s at this point that I began breathing again. I only managed two beers throughout because I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. As the announcer said, the match was a display on “How not to defend” on both sides of the ball, but our offense just smothered them. That should pretty much seal up our ticket into the knock-out rounds from Group G. I think we only have two home matches left to play, no? And one away? Looking forward to them all. Great job you GUNNERS! Next up, West Ham United away. I do sincerely hope we put the stones to them for the full 90.