And now, a word from Great Guns about the International Break we are currently experiencing:

GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Please, please, please make it end. This insufferable interlull (Arseblogger ^© MMVIII) is going to be the fucking death of me, I swear to all that is upright and holy. If it weren’t for the Classic EPL re-runs they have on, I’d have already lost the plot. I caught a 2-3 win over Chelsea from ‘97, I think. But it’s not the same. I need live football.

All work and no football makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no football makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no football makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no football makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no football makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no football makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no football makes Jack a dull boy. (more…)

Bendtner 57, Diaby 63, Nasri 66 – Divers: Duff

It took us a bit to get the engine running, but once purring along we took it to them. And, it could have gone all so wrong early on when shit officiating earned the Magpies a kick from the spot. But… Manuel Almunia was having none of it, and made an excellent stop. Martins went low right, and so did Al, not just stopping the shot, but expertly smothering the ball as well to stop play.

The save seemed to spark things up. Both sides created chances and there were several close calls. But we went into the tunnel at the half 0-0. Then, at 57′ Niklas Bendnter took a lovely glancing header off Andrey Arshavin’s free kick to put us up. Unfortunately, we let down our guard and Obafemi Martins steered home an excellent left-footer not 50 seconds later. It was well and truly on at St. James Park.

But it wouldn’t be very long before Arsenal turned it off for the opposition. At 63′ Robin van Persie put a nice ball in front of Abou Diaby who drove home to snatch back the lead. Three minutes later, RvP once again put the perfect feed out in front of Samir Nasri, who positively threaded the needle low right to slide our third past the outstretched fingers of Harper. Several more chances were made and the wind just went out of Newcastle. Match over.

All in all, a strong performance from the Gunners. The win puts us three points out in front of Aston Villa for fourth. The complete thumping they received at the hands of Liverpool yesterday means we now have a seemingly insurmountable +14 goal differential over them. In the very real possibility that we wind up level with them on points, it could mean the difference in who goes to the Champions League next season. In other news, both Chelsea & Man U were beaten, making the Top Four grouping even tighter. We’re now only 6 points off Chelsea for 3rd, 9 from Liverpool in 2nd, and 10 points off Man U in 1st. The run up will be exciting as we play two of the three.

And now our featured Poofta of the Week: Damien Duff. Ol’ Damien decided he’d like to get his side the lead by throwing himself to the turf inside the area when he was bumped by Samir Nasri. But, unlike a Professional Poofta, his timing was  a bit off. He waited just a bit too long to throw his arms out and pitch himself over like a sack of shit. And the immediate pleading looks to the ref need some work, Damien. Not at all convincing. I think some mirror time is in order if you’re going to cheat, wouldn’t you say? You’ve gotten a bit rusty.

FFS… Theo Walcott did his knee during practice this morning. Just lovely. The poor guy’s just gotten back into the swing of things, has been looking positively great, and then this… with any luck it will be a quick recovery, but I’d guess it will be mid-April before we see him start. I hope sooner.

I’m a bit disappointed that Joey Barton won’t be making his comeback against us. Do you remember all the fun we had with Joey at The Grove back in September? Samir Nasri does. When Joey’s not playing bass for the Arctic Monkeys, he likes to take long walks on the beach, step on people, write poetry, and make crunching tackles on lilliputian Frenchmen. And when he gets a load of some of the bleaching that’s been going on in the Arsenal locker room of late, well… I’m just guessing he’ll be fit to be tied.

But, it’s not to be… JB will most likely watch from the stands. If we’re lucky, maybe he’ll come down after the match and spit on Pat Rice.

I kid. But let’s not write-off Newcastle. We may have beaten them 3-0 last time, and they may have injuries and be on a bit of a slide. But that’s exactly the sort of team that’s given us trouble in the past. And if we don’t go in there and play them like they’re fucking Barça hopped-up on amphetamines, then we could be in for a rough ride. Take these guys seriously, and dish out an old fashioned ass-whipping, Arsène. And when I say old-fashioned ass-whipping, I mean the American variety. Not whatever the fuck it is you do in France.

Come on you Gunners!

van Persie 74, Gallas 84 – Divers: Phil Brown

Oh, it’s a lovely thing sending a miserable prick like Phil Brown packing, is it not? Yes, it is.  Let me lay it out straight for you, Phil. Your goal, was a fluke. It counts. Our second goal, also a fluke. But it counts. Our first, pure skill. And there’s why you lost.

I’ve now watched that second goal in replays over a dozen times. Anyone who reads this blog knows that I’m brutally honest, even when it means that it goes against the Gunners. But those replays show the ball clearly hitting Myhill’s arm/wrist immediately after it comes off Djourou’s head. You can see the spin on the ball changing and everything. And, had Mhill not touched it, the glance off Djourou’s head would have sent it directly toward the goal. It was Myhill’s arm that popped it up like that. Now, I’m no afficiando on the Laws of the Game, so someone please explain if I’m not understanding this. If the ball comes off Djourou last, Gallas is clearly in an offsides position. No question. But, if the ball comes off Djourou, then hits a Hull player, does that not negate the offsides position?

And it got better after that. Cesc Fabregas decided to come down to the pitch and get in some faces. Apparently, the Hull City Managers didn’t appreciate it. They’re claiming that Cesc spat at the assistant manager’s feet. Cesc denies it. Honestly, who gives a leaping shit? Sure, that’s not a very classy thing to do in any circumstances. Shame on you, you ill-mannered fiery Spaniard. But is that all it takes to get Phil’s knickers in a twist? The Premier League has turned him into quite the delicate flower, hasn’t it? Goonerholic put it best when he wrote:

“We live in strange times when northern nancies depart from another defeat on a warm spring evening bemoaning the vicious prawn bagel munchers in the crowd at the Grove for their part in intimidating the referee and the visitors.“

Classic. You won’t get such eloquence from this blog, that’s for damn sure. But if you haven’t already, please do yourself a favor and read ‘Holic’s post on it.

Then there’s the fact that Phil Brown claims Arsène has refused to shake his hand after all three matches they’ve had this season. Clearly, he’s lying. Doesn’t he realize that we live in the information age? His every move on the pitch is being photographed and recorded. Evidence disputing his claims were flying around the net moments after he uttered them. Now, Arsène definitely didn’t shake his hand after this match. He gave some excuse that he went to the visitors dressing room and waited, which is a load of horseshit. Maybe he did, but it’s well known that these handshakes take place immediately following the final whistle, not outside the dressing room. At least admit you acted unprofessionally, Arsène. Don’t make it worse with some bullshit story. That being said, I wouldn’t have shaken the prick’s hand either.

So, I hope Les Tigres stay up this year, because I’m going to enjoy watching a healthy Arsenal side dismantle them again twice next year. And I will raise toast this weekend (perhaps while we’re beating the pants off the Magpies) to the ballsy sonofabitch who had the testicular fortitude to show up at Ashburton Grove in a full Tiger suit.

Update: Said sonofabitch appeared to be none other than CBE John Hurt, did it not?

Arshavin  2 & 65, Eboue 88 & 92 – Divers:  Gamst-Pedersen

Another somewhat pseudo live blogging of the match as I watch, follows:

Not  at all surprised by the squad picked. But happy to see that 2′ into the match Theo slides to Arshavin and we’re up 1-0. Beautiful move by the Gunners. It was a bit rough about the edges and may even go down as an OG for Blackburn, but Andrey Arshavin has opened his account.

What on earth has happened to Alexander Song of late? A player who used to be derided by many as “just not ready“, myself included, is suddenly more than ready. This is the second consecutive stellar performance by Song that I’ve seen in a row. Most players gradually move up to the quality he is showing of late. Alex chose to transition overnight, like a caterpillar from a chrysalis. I seriously hope that when Cesc returns, we get to see him paired up with Song. The combination could be deadly.

Theo Walcott has now been officially… clattered.

34′ - Samir Nasri rattles the bar from a free kick. Samir’s goal tally is not a reflection of his quality so far this season. He has more than replaced Hleb.

Manuel Almunia gets some serious flack from people, but I think he showed why he’s all Arsenal today. Earlier, El Hadj Diouf came on him with a late tackle, studs first, with full intent to inflict injury. Don’t tell me otherwise. Al came out alright, but when he got to rub elbows in the box with Diouf on a corner a but later, he gave Diouf shit for it. I can’t read lips well, and my Spanish is rusty, but I think it went something like “Go and fuck your mother, you funny haired cunt.” And when Phil Dowd stepped in and said, “That’s not very nice!” Almunia told him something along the lines of “Fuck you too, you myopic cunt. This scumbag shouldn’t even be on the pitch for me to elbow if you knew how to do your fucking job. Pigswine.” To which Dowd said, “Kolo, make them play nice.” Diouf blew a kiss, but Almunia blew it off. Can’t wait for the second half. Fat Sam’s assholes came to play.

56′ - Theo’s seen off two Blackburn Leftbacks, and is getting his third to gnaw on. Must love the man.

The ball handling overall by Arsenal has been gorgeous. The commentators are critisizing them for not taking the game “to Blackburn“, but quite honestly, Rovers haven’t been able to keep the ball for 7 or so seconds. We probably should be up by another goal or so at this point, but I still feel confident. So long as the back line holds up.

60′ – they’re calling for Bendtner’s blood in the stands. Chance after chance keep getting blown by him. He’s having an off day. I want him to rectify it.

65′ - Andrey may not have shown his flair with his first goal today, but he certainly did with his second, and Arsenal’s 100th goal at the Emirates. Running up the left and rounding the rightback  right along the byline he skirts by and hammers one into the ceiling of the net. What a beautiful finish. He’s here, folks… and he’s all Arsenal.

71‘ – Can someone explain to me why there wasn’t a corner kick awarded to Arsenal off Johann Drourou’s header from Nasri’s free kick? Robinson very obviously got a hand on it to send it over the crossbar. Is it some obscure English rule I’m not aware of in effect?

79‘ – Nick skies a sitter… Arsene taps Vela to come in. Diaby in for Walcott as well. Theo played brilliantly. Bendtner could have had a hat trick today for all the missed chances.

84′ – Eboue on for Nasri. Let’s see him pick up where he left off.

DIVER – Morten Gamst Pedersen, caught by the cameras throwing himself to the pitch when he thought Bacary Sagna was right on his heels, but he was a yard off. Despicable. There was a time when I thought Pedersen might make a great Arsenal player. I’m glad that never happened.

The forever masticating Sam Allardyce is chewing… chewing… WTF does he have in his mouth?

88′ – Arshavin gets a beautiful cross, takes an excellent shot, but Robinson gets a paw on it. No matter, Emmanuel Eboue comes in to stab the deflection home. The planets are clearly still in alignment

92′ - Ok, I have to pause the game here… Vela’s just been brought down in the area and awarded a PK… and EBOUE is taking the kick?! God, I hope this turns out well. Unpause…

Fuck me... he scores. And, he’s got a new dance for this goal. Trendy bastard, that Eboue. Let him have his fun. Come on, Eboue! The prick is beginning to make me regret some of the calls for his head that I’ve made.

Match over 4-0. My dog is seriously pissed. Can’t blame him.